OSU student members of the It’s Abuse movement pledge for peaceful relationships.

It only takes one day of working with domestic violence victims to understand the importance of preventing family violence. I remember when Viviana, from Colombia, told me she “knew better” while she cried. She remembered telling a friend in an abusive relationship years before, “I would never take it. Why don’t you just leave?” Now, Viviana and her son live at a shelter, because her husband had followed her from Illinois to California to Georgia and finally to Florida. She was going to go back to Colombia because she and her son weren’t safe here. She reported seeing the signs early: jealousy, controlling behavior, violent outbursts, and hurtful remarks, before he ever hit her. What if Viviana had known more about signs of relationship abuse years ago? Might her situation be different now?

It’s Abuse, a new movement at Ohio State, aims to stop relationship abuse and provide education and information about relationship abuse and what makes relationships healthy. Relationship abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal, and/or sexual. Abusive actions are employed to obtain power and control over another individual. If one person in the relationship humiliates, ridicules, ignores, harasses, uses controlling behavior or physically hurts another person, it is relationship abuse.* It’s Abuse recently conducted a university wide survey on this topic, which showed that many students on the Ohio State campus have experienced some form of relationship abuse.

There is no single answer to the question of why some people are abusive and others are not. Violence is a learned behavior, and what is clear is that the responsibility for relationship abuse lies in the person who makes the choice to use violence in order to obtain power and control over his or her partner.

By recognizing relationship abuse, students can make healthy decisions and take steps to leave potentially dangerous relationships. One of the most effective ways to address relationship abuse and domestic violence is to prevent it from happening in the first place. This is why the It’s Abuse movement focuses on building healthy relationships. If college students are aware of what healthy relationships look like, that might help them make wiser decisions about the partners they choose and the relationships they maintain.

A healthy relationship centers on respect. Both partners depend on, trust, and respect each other. Each partner has equal power in the relationship and no one feels put down or humiliated. Both partners can have time to be with friends and others, and agree about when to have sex and when not to. Neither person tries to control what the other person wears, says or does. Finally, arguments are resolved without personal attacks, insults or resentment.*

By being aware of signs of relationship abuse and characteristics of healthy relationships, you can make good decisions about your relationships and help break the cycle of family violence. For more information, please visit http://www.itsabuse.com.

* http://www.itsabuse.com