September 20, 2006 was a big day in Candace’s life — her first day of college. The summer of her senior year, Candace stepped onto Ohio State’s campus during the Go Buckeye Day event and fell in love with this university. That day she announced to her mom, “This is where I’m going to school.” Looking back, Candace, now a junior, says, “The look of the campus and the fact that everyone was smiling was what I fell in love with.” Of course her mom and dad wanted her to stay closer to home and attend a college in state, but after coming to Ohio State her mom admits that the visit was a real eye-opener. “When we went to visit I could tell there was no convincing her to stay in North Carolina. You could see the Buckeye pride in her.” Candace and her mom were featured in the 2006 Summer issue of ¿Qué Pasa,OSU?, where they expressed in detail why Ohio State was such a special choice (http://quepasa.osu.edu/issues/su06/challenges.htm).
Fast-forward to the following fall as Candace and her parents are moving her into a dorm room. Candace described her emotions as “excited and scared because I didn’t have any family here, everything and everyone I had known were going to be a 12-hour drive away.” For her parents leaving her was hard, but they also felt excited and proud of her acceptance to a prestigious school. “Whether a school is 20 miles or 2,000 miles away you get a sort of feeling that she’s growing up and you can’t look out for her like you used to,” her dad said. “We have to trust that what we have done as parents is enough. That we’ve taught her right from wrong and hope she makes the right choices,” her parents agree.
“That first night was hard, both of my parents were crying, which made me cry and my dad kept telling me how proud of me he was, which made me cry harder. I felt a little panicked, almost like I had jumped into the deep end of the pool and realized too late that I didn't know how to swim. But the next day everything was fine, I regained my balance and kept reminding myself of the basic lessons my parents had taught me growing up — if you don't know the answer to a question then ask, look both ways before you cross the street, eat your vegetables, and so on,” said Candace.
How to be successful?
Taking advantage of the resources and support networks offered by Ohio State made the difference for Candace. She participated in Buckeye Bound, a program specifically offered to out-of-state students. It serves as a network and support group for out–of–state students by allowing them to meet people from their home state. Candace was able to meet other students, staff and professors from North Carolina. “It was comforting to connect with people you could relate to and to talk about stuff only people from North Carolina would understand — Highway 70, the best places to eat.”
Candace and her mom also took advantage of the services provided by the Office of Minority Affairs (OMA). Candace’s mom reflects and says that, “It was really nice that OMA was filled with positive and encouraging people. No question we asked was considered dumb and we always got a response back quickly.” Once on campus, Candace took advantage of OMA tutoring for her English and math courses. “English tutoring helped me to develop my ideas in a better way and my math tutor was amazing; if I didn’t understand something he would find a way to explain it in a way which worked best for me. He’s really the reason I got an A-.”
Additionally, Candace got involved with Alpha Psi Lambda, a co-ed Latin@ fraternity here at Ohio State. “Joining Alpha Psi Lambda is the best decision I’ve made since I’ve been here. They gave me a support network; sometimes you just want a hug from mom and dad and my fraternity brothers and sisters comfort me just the same. Getting involved in an organization and meeting other people who have similar interests make it easier to be successful.”
What is the impact on the parent-daughter relationship?
Candace reflects on the situation and believes that, “The experience has made the relationship with my parents mature just like any other parent-child relationship will once the child starts to really grow up and live on their own.” According to her, what helps the most in this situation is communication and maintaining some of the routines from home. She remembers, “My freshman year living in the dorms, my dad would call at eight in the morning three times a week just to tell me good morning and that he loved me, just like he did when he would come in my room in the mornings and wake me up for school and kiss me goodbye before he left for work. Both parents agree that keeping in touch with Candace has helped with the distance, but they also understand that, “They can’t fight every battle for her, when she really needs help she knows she can ask.”
Change is inevitable, and for college students the transformation is more pronounced when they live far from home. She reflects that, “Coming here and being on my own made me mature faster than if I attended a school where home was only minutes away.” By coming to Ohio State and being independent from her family, Candace feels she has discovered more about who she is as an individual and has learned what it is like to be an adult — to be completely responsible for her own decisions and the consequences that followed. Her parents notice the changes. Her mom adds, “Candace has always been independent and opinionated and going out of state she has become more so. She’s grown up and has become more independent.” “Independence from the family means that Candace has to take care of bills, buy her own food,” her dad adds, “she’s had to grow up and now she appreciates the things we did for when she lived at home”
Advice for families
“It’s important for the students to remember that they need to be prepared for a lot of changes, but it’s exciting,” Candace said. “You’re becoming who you are and if you use the resources provided to you by Ohio State it’s really hard not to succeed.” Her mother adds, “When you drop them off in that fall get them settled in, take them out to dinner and remind them that they can always call/email,” she adds. “When they call you they’re not always wanting advice, sometimes they just want you to listen.” For her dad, students arriving to Ohio State are in good hands. “There are so many programs the kids can use and OSU will look out for them. You really have to trust that you’ve taught them to do the right thing and when they don’t, try to be understanding.”
Candace majors in History and plans to graduate in the spring of 2010. “After graduation I plan on spending two years with the Peace Corps working on HIV/AIDS awareness and assisting people infected with HIV/AIDS in either Uganda, Rwanda, or Malawi. Eventually I plan on attending graduate school and seeking my Ph.D. in History with a focus on ancient Greece,” she said. |
